One aspect
on dining etiquette was already stated in previous post titled ‘Family eats
together - Stays together’ through well
known proverbs particularly used in India that promotes the importance of
dining table manners especially amongst family members;
‘Jaisa Ann
Vaisa Mann, Jaisa Pani Vaisi Vani" means ‘as is the food so is the mood
and as is water so are the words’
‘Jaisa Khaye
Ann, Vaisa Hoye Mann, Jaisa Piye Pani, Vaisa Hoye Vani’ means ‘one is how one
partakes food and water’
The
importance of dining together was just one of the illustrations for the
latter proverb. The daily dining event at the least during the night time dinner
and early morning breakfast would make the day everyday meaningful and the
credit goes to the punctual attendance at the dining table by one and all in
the family keeping aside all other worldly priorities.
So, should
there be any other etiquette beyond this usual punctual family get - together
at the dining table at least twice in a working day? If no! Well, how would it
look if all punctually reached the dining table and pounce on the food served
on the table as is the way of the animal kingdom, what if there was chaos at
the table due to social nuisance behavior, if there was chaos with little
children running around spilling eatables on the table, floor......................?
In that case it would make learning various etiquettes a compulsion but would this
compulsion work out any good in our day to day meet at the dining table? If
yes, then we need to know the need of dining etiquettes and inculcate the same
in our children from the very young age not just out of compulsion for which we
need to know first what are group and group dynamics and how dining
etiquettes could influence them.
The lone
individual is an extraordinarily rare human being capable of surviving alone. A
recluse, ascetic and prisoner in solitary confinement could carve a living on
their own. However, many shy away from the challenges of solitude. Most people
prefer to live in groups. Working, learning, worshiping, relaxing, playing and
even sleeping — occur in groups rather than isolated from others. Most people
belong to many different groups, say at home in a family, at the workplace in a
professional group, friends group, club (health/leisure,.....) membership
group, etc. So the number of groups in the world probably reaches well beyond in
billions. The world is literally teeming with groups.
Since there
ought to be more than one individual in a family at the dining table, therefore
the eating event too resembles a group activity wherein individual
likes/dislikes, behaviors, etc. ought to be adjusted with that in the groups’.
Such individual variances’ provokes the group to interact and then obviously a
group dynamics is observed. The forces that result from the interactions of the
group members are often referred to as group dynamics. Group dynamics influence
the behavior of both individual group members and the group as a whole.
In general groups
tend to form for one of two cases: either for purely social purposes (e.g. a
celebration) or to get something accomplished. In the latter case, our family
could be working on what meals to prepare for the day. A celebration as in the
former case would bring interaction between two or more such familial groups. It
is when a group is trying to accomplish something that the interactions or
dynamics become stronger, especially if the group is under constraints in
time and resources and as all families obviously are and would likely be
more so in the future kitchen.
Knowing
thus, it becomes evident that such family groups need to develop dynamics that
promote the satisfaction of its members’ socio emotional needs while facilitating
the accomplishment of their common group task say, the upkeep of the home and
completing the kitchen activities before leaving home for their individual life
activities. Ignoring the directional progress of group dynamics under such ‘get
togethers’ could have a detrimental effect on the meeting of members’ socio emotional
needs and on goal attainment especially for youngsters in the family. It is
known in social study circles, that groups could unleash both harmful and helpful
forces; the Hitler youth movement, the Ku Klux Klan, the religious groups and
other harmful cults are familiar examples of group dynamics gone awry. Several
studies over the past have depicted harmful group dynamics to be very traumatic
for young group members with some emotional effects lasting years after the
group experience. Similarly, two extremes of group leadership viz. aggressive confrontation
behaviour say, from the family elders on account of generation gap issues or extreme
passivity even to sensitive family issues are bound to have pernicious effects
on young family members. In contrast, appropriate development of group dynamics
could lead to positive outcomes for the group and all its members.
However,
again research suggests that an individual could be influenced by many
different factors on many different levels. Individuals could be influenced by:
(Source:
http://serendip.brynmawr.edu/exchange/node/481)
ü A majority (i.e. individuals conform to the
majority even when there is no social pressure to conform, no rewards for
conforming or no punishments for being the minority),
ü A certain situation (i.e. individuals could be
influenced under certain immediate situations that make the individual feel
they are emotionally distant, following orders and/or part of a larger group),
ü A leader (i.e. individuals could be influenced by
leaders depending on the situation. If an individual is in a situation where
they do not know what to do, they would look for a leader. In situations where
a group is formed to accomplish a task, an individual is more likely to be
influenced by a task-oriented leader and in situations where a group is formed
to increase social relations; an individual is more likely to be influenced by
a socially-oriented leader. An individual no matter the situation, is more
likely to be influenced by a leader that possesses both task and social
leadership),
ü Persuasion (i.e. individuals are influenced by the
credibility and trustworthiness of an individual),
ü Their own behaviors and attitudes (i.e.
individuals’ attitudes could influence their own behavior and that behavior could
also influence one’s attitudes).
This
research on what influences individuals’ plays an important role in group
dynamics because it can influence the group cohesion and later inter – group
dilemmas.
Thus, a helpful
group dynamics could manifest when one abides by certain do’s and don’ts (group
norms). The do’s and don’ts give an idea to exercise limitations in our
individualistic extensions when in a group. The extent at which members of a
group feel pleased with each others contribution to the group impacts
cohesion. The group members compare each others’ contributions, goals, behaviors,
etc. to the established group norms to make sure everyone is behaving,
performing and conforming to the same. If the group members are satisfied with
each others’ abilities to follow the group norms, the cohesion of the group is
high. A group consisting of members who conform to the group norms on every
aspect increases the satisfaction of the group members on each other, therefore
increasing cohesion. This is important because group members who do not follow
the group norms could negatively impact the group’s satisfaction - based
cohesion. Group cohesion could then be thought as associated with the size,
support and stability of the group which is very important in nuclear
families of today.
There ought
to be therefore structured experiences that could bring out varying styles and
skills and could make a group cohesive and effective. Such structured
experiences could help group members learn what helps and what hinders group
problem solving through an understanding of groups as social systems. Just as a
system is made up of elements and their interactions, so also in a social system;
wherein task and treatment groups could be conceptualized as family individuals
in interaction with each other as evident on the dining table. So, structured experiences in the form of experiencing
simple basic dining etiquettes inculcated from a very early childhood, could be
the minimum expected helpful group dynamics exhibited at the least for
the sake of an exhibition when the family gets together and thereby act as a deterrent
in that dining interval to inherent negative impacts (if any) resulting from
the group dynamics or towards individuals propagating the same. Such regular positive
actions experienced during the displayed dining etiquettes could repair our
words which in turn could repair our thoughts and help develop good habits
which could instill good values and help carve our own destiny in the long run (Refer
quote from Mahatma Gandhi - “Your beliefs become your thoughts, Your thoughts
become your words, Your words become your actions, Your actions become
your habits, Your habits become your values, Your values become your destiny.”)
This post thus
seeks to help family group members recognize and understand the dynamics
generated through the group process (display the dining etiquettes) on the
dining table. Youngsters in the family who are familiar with group dynamics would
be less likely to be victimized by wrong doers in the group even though they
are akin. The post helps family members establish and promote group dynamics
that satisfy each member’s socio emotional needs and at the same time achieve the
group goals that are consistent with a humanistic value base whether be at home
or when associated with other professional/social groups.
A reference
list for further introspection on group and group dynamics are available in
the given below links;
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